George Miller Plays Minecraftrtf
by Xenomustard
Summary: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way gets herself up in another rascally adventure with her new friends, Melanie Dank'ness Dewmania Warface, and Jules.
1. Ebony and Melanie

_"ANY OF YOU FUCKING PRICKS MOVE, AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY LAST ONE OF YA!"_ Yelled one of the robbers of the current Hot Topic, which was in Britain for some reason. Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way ran out of the changing room, wearing a gothic black corset dress, a black leather miniskirt with pentagrams all over it, pink fishnet stockings (which is odd since Pink is a prep colour), and pointy high-heeled boots. She watched in horror as Honey Bunny suddenly shot Tom Rid. The brains of the sexah gottik bi guy that were now all over the counter cued Ebony to do the obvious, as she took out a silver knife and began to rapidly slit her wrists for apparently no reason.

 _"Fuck dat shiznit dawg!"_ Said Snoop Dogg, coming out of the back room dressed like Max Rockatanzky. He pulled out a TEC-9 and began firing it at the robbers, hitting the nearby Ts, appearing to speed up Ebony's wrist slitting.

 _"MOVE IN!"_ Yelled the HECU commander, as Combine elites and varieties of soldiers began surround the perimeter, and both forces began firing at eachother. Ebony looked back at her wrist, which was now gone, and realised that she has been slashing at bone for the past hour. All around her were the ruins of the Hot Topic, with several Headcrab Zombies and other stuff roaming wild. She took out her blak gun and shot them all a gazillion times, making her way back to Hogwarts.

 _"WHAT THE HELL WER U DOENG MOTHERFUKER?"_ Shooted Dumblydore angaryily. Ebony just stuck up her middle finger and made her way to the Slytherin conman room. Just then, Dracola showed up.

 _"Hold up Enoby,"_ He said. _"Apparently you've been moved to Gryffindor."_

 _"Wat fukn dik did dat!"_ Asked Ebony, incorrectly punctuating her question.

Then, Neville did the chicken dance and exploded. Ebony frustraitedly walked over to the Gryffindor common room and sat down in one of the corners. Surrounded by "preps" and "posrs", Ebony did the only sensable thing that british vampire Sues do, and started to sexily cry tears of blood.

Accross from her, Melanie Dank'ness Dewmania Warface watched interested. She was curious about the goffic gurl turning the tissues into a goddamn maxi-pad, mostly because the plot demanded such. She got up and decided to advance the plot.

 _"H3110 7h3r3, 1 w4n7 2 g37 2 kn0w u 4nd-"_ Melanie was saying before Ebony cut her off.

 _"fuk of prep"_ Said Ebony.

Melanie took out her Ballista, and Ebony took out her blak gun. They stood in a Latin standoff. They began firing eachother, as the MLGstep started playing and the room filled with explosions, muzzleflahes, sprite-based particle effects, and lenseflares. It stayed like this for the entire 3-hour battle. When everything dissapered, the room was riddled with bulletholes and full of the now dead Gryffindors.

 _"W311, 7h3r3'5 b33n 4107 0f d347h 1n t7h15 f1c."_ Said Melanie. Ebony smiled.

 _"maeb wi cn b frundz"_ Ebony said.

 _"k"_ Melanie responded.

 _"OMGWTF"_ Said Profezor Rumbridge, but then


	2. Jules And Dem 2hus

_"Dafuq?"_ Asked Flandre Scarlet to no-one in particular. She staring at the new black car embedded in the side of the Scarlet Devil's Mansion. The smoke erupting from the car, paired with the blood and brain matter all over the inside of the vehicle, seemed to illude to the car being empty, or atleast derilect. Flandre cautiously placed her hand on the hood, before the door burst open.

 _"You fucking kidding me Vincent? This is why I should drive this bullshit."_ Said Jules, stepping out of the back door.

 _"Who are you?"_ Asked Flandre.

 _"I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A GODDAMN THING!"_ Jules said. He then unhosltered his firearm and quickly popped a cap in Flandre, knocking her out for a few paragraphs.

 _"Well you're pretty aggresive today,"_ Vincent said, climbing out of the car's wreckage. _"Maybe a little massage to loosen it up?"_

 _"Fuck you,"_ Jules responded. _"Now unless you can figure out where the fuck we are, you're in some deep shit here. Deep shit that Marsellus won't fuckin' tolerate."_

 _"Didn't you quit at the end of the movie?"_ Vincent asked.

 _"And your ass got fuckin' blasted,"_ Jules answered stearnly. _"Nigga, you should be fucking 6 feet under in some hotel bathtub."_

Jules began walking around the library, in search of something he could use to find his location. All because he doesn't play Touhou. Probably because he has no taste in Video Games.

 _"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE LIBRARY!"_ Yelled Patchouli. Jules quickly turned around and kicked her backwards, and she conveniantly landed in a chair. Mirroring the iconic scene from Pulp Fiction, Jules drew his gun and began questioning Patchy.

 _"Where am I?"_ Jules asked.

 _"What?"_ Patchy responded, confused. Jules cocked his gun.

 _"Where you from?!"_ Jules yelled.

 _"Mukyu?!"_ Patchy asked again.

 _"The fuck is a Muyku? That's some grade-A buster-shit there,"_ Jules said. _"Now tell me. Do you read the bible?"_

"EH?!" Patchy responded, even more confused than before.

 _"Lemme share a passage I memorized,"_ Jules began. _"Ezekie-"_

Then, Vincent started screaming as the sound of generic projectiles rang out from the other side of the library.

 _"Did his ass get fuckin' capped again?"_ Jules said, forgetting about Patchouli and moving over to investigate. All he found was Vincent's skeleton, Flandre, and Remilia floating above him.

 _"The fuck kinda cutie-fruity psycho-bitch shit's happening?"_ He asked.

 _『_ _Uwa_ _〜_ _, watashi wa hidoku, guguru ga toppu o hon_ _、_ _yaku shiyo suru koto ga dekimasu_ _！』_ Said Remilia.

 _『_ _Watashitachi no gengo shitte iru hitobito wa, chosha ga dore dake wiabu no jitsugen toki, soreha tsumori odorokubeki kotodesu_ _！』_ Flandre responded.

Jules, confused, pointed his gun and began firing.

 _『_ _Wareware wa kono ni kuro o shinakereba naranai to shite iru yo ni miemasu_ _。』_ Flandre said. Her and Remilia then struck ginyu-force poses, and shitty AMV style sony-vegas effects came up.

 _"What in the hell?"_ Jules paused.

 _『_ _Superukado, DEUSUEKUSUMAKINA_ _！！！！！！！！！！！！！』_ Remilia and Flandre shouted as a large beam of rainbows and hyper-realistic blood shot forth, knocking Jules through dimensions.

Ebony and Melanie were skipping through the meadows. Melanie had an OpTic hoodie. Ebony was wearing a gothic black GC top that corset stuff and was covered in red lace, a black leather mini, high-heeled black stilted boots, and matching red fishnets on her arms and legs. She also had died her hare black and had black hyper-realistic lipstick on. Anyway, they were skipping through the Mad Max style wasteland when suddenly, Melanie tripped as a 2D hitmarker particle was overlayed where she tripped. Jules stirred awake, diggin himself partially out of the sand and flipping over Melanie.

 _"H01y 5h17! Wh47 w45 7h47?"_ She asked.

 _"i fink i rekoniz u"_ Said Ebony to Jules.

 _"What in the hell is happening?"_ Jules asked.


	3. Expedition ahoy!

_"omfs ur suc a prep"_ Said Ebony as the current protagonists walked back to Hogwarts in Longdon. She was wearing a gothic black MCR t-shirt that was ripped to show off her boobs with corset stuff on the front, black combat boots, black fishnets, and cross earrings, which somehow didn't kill her.

 _"Who the fuck even gives a shit about this goddamn 'gc'?"_ Jules asked.

 _"Ju57 1gn0r3 3n0by'5 g0ff1k 5h17."_ Melanie said.

 _"ur bot prepz n posorz"_ Ebony said and began to slit her wrists again.

Then, Professor Snoop, Proffesor McGoogle, and Proofezor Sinister apperiated infront of the protagonists and began asking questions.

Meanwhile, Jesus stopped looking into the crucible ball. He had to tell Miku about what he was seeing. It was just as Miku predicted, the coming of the crack trio. Although the part about the waters raining E-Tanks and the lander dying in a storm of cola hadn't come yet, Jesus needed to make sure.

 _"M'lady! The Crack Trio have arrived!"_ Jesus said, bursting into Miku's room.

 _"I thought I told you not to interrupt me during this shit,"_ Miku said. _"I'm about to get the Valkyr chassis!"_

 _"But it's just as you predicted!"_ Jesus said.

Miku reached into her anus and pulled out a CD-R disk. Jesus played it, and it showed the following text:

 _"Only worry when Enoby turns red oil into corndogs."_ It said.

Jesus then looked back at the crystal ball.

 _"hy luk at dis"_ Said Ebony in the middle of Biology class. Melanie and Jules watched as the can of red oil turned into a bucket of corndogs.

 _"W0w, 7h47 w45 k1nd4 1mpr3551v3."_ Said Melanie.

 _"I'm just not questionin' this shit. At this point."_ Said Jules.

 _"MY LEIGE, IT HAPPENED!"_ Jesus yelled, looking away from the ball.

 _"I'm afraid it's time."_ Miku said, turning on off her computer.

Miku and Jesus walked over to the giant door in their secret lair. They both flipped two switches at the same time, and the door swung open. Dramatic CGI lights shown into the new room. There, in the center, was Johann Carl Freidrich Gauss.

 _"Masters?"_ Gauss asked.

 _"Eliminate the crack trio."_ Jesus ordered.

 _"You couldn't have waited for me to deliver the line?!"_ Miku shouted.

 _"kk m80s"_ Said Gauss.

Gauss then stuck his hand into the air and his foot rockets activated, as he flew into the air and off to Hogwarts.

30 seconds later, Gauss burst through the classroom roof. This tim, Ebony, Melanie, and Jules were in the middle of Portions Class, being taught by Professor Snap.

 _"U donderhed!111"_ Snap yielded and continued on with the lesson.

Gauss pulled out an XVL1456 and started charging it. He aimed it at Enoby111

 _"44444nd, w3r3 fuck3d..."_ Said Melanie.

 _"wow ur suhc a prep!111 i bet u dnt evn no ho gc r"_ Ebony said. Jules pulled out his 1911 and aimed it at Ebony.

 _"Say 'prep' again. Say 'prep' one more time, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say 'prep' one more goddamn time!"_ Jules yelled.

 _"omg stop it u dundorhedz"_ Snap yelled and continued the lesson.

 _"You have thwarted me for now, cursed three!"_ Gauss said and flew away.

 _"0k4y...50 7h47'5 7h47."_ Melanie said.

 _"omfg u dendurheas go 2 c dumbldoor"_ Snap yelled.


End file.
